My mind wanders because it has the time.
Im sitting here in class doing absolutely nothing and feeling stupid. I have never felt to insufficient and dumb in my entire life. They tell you "you are so courageous for leaving your family and going to a whole other country." That is not even the difficult part, we all leave the nest at some point. The hardest part is having to feel so inferior. Its not knowing, anything. After feeling like you are finally somewhat intelligent you get thrown into baby years all over again. The social norms are different, the language is different, the classes are different, NOTHING IS THE SAME! I would never trade this experience for anything because it is absolutely amazing and I am learning and experiencing so much but damn....this shit is hard!
I am starting to feel like more of a burden, i feel as if i am not contributing everything. Even at "home" I still feel like a guest. One of my host sisters gets really mad at me and yells at me and tells me to stop feeling like such a burden and frankly it doesnt make it better. She used to be an exchange student and I feel as if she would understand but she just gets mad. I have always been independent and i dont enjoy the feeling of codependence and here, i cant do anything by myself. It is a belittling feeling.
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